I’ve been lax writing here the past few months or so. It has been a pretty weird period to be honest. Certain things in my life have been quiet (travel, Jiujitsu, any sort of non-immediate-familial interaction) while others have been overwhelmingly busy (work and school). Hopefully as the warmer weather approaches, things will trend toward being a bit more of a balanced. And honestly, I can’t wait…It’s been one hell of a stressful year. I’m willing to bet there were a good amount of people out there who in normal pre-COVID times hadn’t been on doctor prescribed medication and now are, or who weren’t self-medicating, but now are self-medicating. It’s going to be a scary few years coming up if you’re in the mental health field.

Since our escape to Montana last August, I’ve been flat out. My course work this semester consists of an internship, with a bit of writing, discussion boards and projects tacked on for good measure. Thankfully the internship is remote, and the coordinators were nice enough to let me do it after I am done with work for the day. The internship entails calling fellow students and offering support services for them while they are in quarantine/isolation, creating Excel tables and charts (here I am 5 years on from an Excel class trying to use things that I’ve since forgotten), keeping tabs on an Access database (never used Access before this), and writing procedures for the database. I’m doing the best I can, and I find (as I always have) talking to people and in this case, my fellow students, easy. Even when they are stressed or angry, it is much more enjoyable then searching through YouTube trying to find videos that explain how to do things I struggle to understand, especially after I’ve worked all day. But like I said I am grateful to be allowed to participate after work, so I will give as much effort as I possibly can muster. The alternative is having to let my job know I need to go part time in order to complete this internship…That day will come I’m sure. Most of the internships I have seen occur during normal work hours, which is fine if you don’t have a full-time job. How you’re supposed to make it work if you have a full-time job is beyond me. Since I have 6 credits of internships left, I’m hoping to find an internship(s) at a company doing something I really want to do, who would consider hiring me upon the internship’s completion.

COVID seems to be starting to fade a bit thanks to vaccine availability and increased adherence to all recommended “non-pharmaceutical interventions”, including hand hygiene and the use of face coverings. I’ve had my complete vaccine since the end of February and suffered no ill effects aside from a headache and a rundown feeling the day after my second dose. Once my gf gets her second jab and is past the subsequent ten-day period, I plan on going back to Jiujitsu once a week, which should be in just about a months’ time.  It is going to really suck, but I’m ready to get back there. At this point I really need the stress relief and distraction that Jiujitsu brings. It’s not that haven’t been keeping myself in shape with lifting and cardio, but there is a difference between being “In Shape” and being “In Jiujitsu Shape”. Aside from the cardio aspect, your body needs to be hardened and desensitized to the pressure and the contortions, getting to that point is going to suck. I’m going try to keep in mind that plenty of people around the world will be in the same boat as me, but I’m sure that will be of little consolation when the first 200+lb person gets me in side control or knee-on-belly. I guess we shall see how my 41-year-old body holds up.

Work hasn’t gotten much easier. I’m still trying to learn what I can, but on top of being a bit shell-shocked from the pandemic situation at work, I’m out of time. My supervisor has had enough and is retiring in a few months, and with the ongoing pandemic, she hasn’t really had much, if any, time to train me. Even when she has, none of the processes have been consistent in even the loosest sense of the word. It’s the complete opposite of being in the laboratory or learning Jiujitsu. In each of those places, consistency allows you to master your craft, but not here, the number one rule is that there are exceptions to everything. I even get to work with one douchebag who keeps suggesting that I “take a class”, or “maybe you should get a book”. Buddy, I am IN class and I have no time for another class or a book. I don’t even want to deal with him, except he is on my team. Coming into the job they knew I was still in school and completely inept when it came to doing any of this stuff. I’m still not quite sure how I qualified for this position with zero experience, skills, or degree. Meanwhile, I wasn’t able to get any of the laboratory scientist positions I applied for even with my years of experience and skills. I am not sure how it’s going to go for me when she retires, but my circular mantras are, “I’ll do the best I can”, and “Fuck it. It is what it is”. I went back to school to get ahead and get paid more so I could save and try to put myself into a position where I would maybe someday be able to actually retire. I guess this sort of thing is part of the process...

Finally, my 92-year-old grandmother, who is still in possession of her facilities and mobility, was finally able to get her vaccine. This Covid crisis had done a number on her, limiting what she could and couldn’t do. Her daughter, my aunt, has and also kept her in check. The attitude my gran kept expressing to me throughout the crisis was, “I’m 92, I’ve got a few years left if that, and I don’t want to spend it in lockdown or kept inside". By the time early March rolled around, her immunity had been boosted thanks to the second dose of her vaccine, she was ready to head to Florida. Last year’s trip was cut short due to the pandemic, so she was raging to go. She doesn’t do much while she is there aside from taking walks, sitting on the beach relaxing/reading, and going out to eat (although not this year). It’s her way to “reset” and take a breath so to speak.

She was in Florida for just over a week when she was by a car while out for a walk, crushing her ankle. She was airlifted to a hospital where for the next ten days had multiple surgeries to repair her injuries. The situation was very stressful, with her there in Florida, a lack of quality information from my Aunt, and the pandemic. It also has been challenging because there have been restrictions on contacting her due to injuries and the concern my Aunt has of overstressing my gran. I usually call her at least three times a week even when she is on vacation, just to check in and see how she is doing or if she needs anything. Thankfully she has been released from the hospital and since moved to a rehab hospital to hopefully and literally get her back on her feet. Gram seems to be doing a bit better, but I worry, at 92, how will this impact her going forward? She isn’t getting any younger…